Last week started the first week of my So Will I challenge. I focused on the line “If creation sings Your praise, so will I”. It started off great! I got back to school safely and sung His praise. I had a great Tuesday and sung His praise. I got an interview for a job I applied for and sung His praise. A plan fell through, but still I sung His praise.
Then, I read a tweet and suddenly I was in a downward spiral of, I’m not enough, I’ll never be enough, I’ve been crazy to think I would be enough, etc. I ended up crying on my bed, completely heartbroken. “Yet I will praise you” was the line of a chorus I had stuck in my head since I started this week of, if creation sings Your praise. It comes from the song “Weep with Me” by Rend Collective. So, I played the song, over and over and over again as I wept. The song does a wonderful job of letting you be heartbroken, while still encouraging you to praise God in the midst of heartbreak.
I then got out my journal and began to pour out my heart, my hurt, my questions, the things I didn’t want to admit were true. I then began to think about all the ways I’ve failed, I was then reminded of the third verse and chorus of So Will I “As you speak, a hundred billion failures disappear”. So, I moved from “Weep with Me” to “So Will I”. The song above “So Will I” in my playlist was “P E A C E” by Hillsong Young and Free which says “When my mind is under siege, all anxiety bows in the presence of Jesus the keeper of peace”. I then played my favorite song, “Take Courage” by Bethel, then played “King of My Heart” and declared that He is indeed good and will never let me down. I then let it shuffle and it played “Fall” by The Belonging Co. which says “My faith above what it looks like, all the way to you, all the way to breakthrough, my faith beyond what it feels like, not by power or might, Holy Spirit right now, fall”. I then continued to praise Him with the next song and the next. I went from weep with me, yet I will praise you, to you are good, you’ll never let me down, to Holy Spirit, fall, have your way.
The next night I went to the Gathering. I sat there and listened to Noah preach about not forgetting what God has done and the promises He has made. Here is a summary of what he said:
“If you’re discouraged, tired, exhausted, you feel like you’re not good enough, like you’ll be single forever, like you’re not qualified to get the job you want, etc. God says, keep going! Don’t forget the promise! I’ve got you! Discouragement does not equal defeat! If you’re feeling discouraged, more than likely, your breakthrough is around the corner!”
It’s like Noah had been sitting there when I had my emotional break down and could hear the words (some exact words) I was speaking. Obviously Noah wasn’t there, but God was and I am so thankful for a college pastor that takes the time and effort to let God speak through him!
If you’re ever in Cleveland on a Wednesday night at 9 you should check out the Gathering! There is also a podcast on iTunes from each week if you can’t make it!
I found that when we allow Jesus to weep with us and praise Him in the midst of the heart ache, He will walk with us and turn our hurt and pain into praise and worship.
Just a Thought from the King’s Daughter