Guys! God has taught me something else and I want to share it with y’all!
From the moment I stepped on campus I started to make friends, some I would build relationships with and some I would just pass, say hi, and we would occasionally catch up. So, I met a person, thinking we would be great friends, we see each other a few times a week and have some of the same friends and we were getting to know each other. Before I knew it all my focus was on getting to know them and hanging out with them, because they were fun to be around and made me laugh. As the weeks went on I saw them less and less, and I became focused on how I was see them and how much I just wanted to be around them, but never was. Were they avoiding me? Did they not like me? Am I being too pushy with a friendship? All my focus was on this and basically this person determined my moods, if I saw them and they talked to me I would be elated, but if I didn’t see them or they just didn’t talk to me I would be sad and depressed.
Sunday (9.25.16) afternoon I could not get these thoughts out of my head, my heart felt so burdened, like it might just explode. So, I grabbed my journal and began to write to God. As I wrote to God about the situation I began to write that I was afraid of rejection, I was so scared that they didn’t like me and were going to reject me. So, I wrote it out and as I did I realized, that while I knew to give God my relationships, I wasn’t giving Him this fear of rejection and fear that I wasn’t good enough. So, I laid it at his feet.
Later that night a lady who had spoken that morning at church that morning spoke again. I didn’t think I was going to go, cause I didn’t want to go by myself, then my friends said they were going and God was like, so now what’s your excuse? So, I went. The message was really, really good and it was something I need to hear, but I wasn’t emotional about it. When the altar call came I knew I needed to go, but the emotional side just wasn’t there. I was God, I’m just not feeling it and honestly I was worried as to what my friends were going to think. Then, my friend went up, and God was like, what’s your excuse now? So, I went. When I got up there my first thought was, what now? It wasn’t your normal altar service, the praise team was singing an old upbeat song about the enemy being under our feet, and honestly I just wasn’t feeling it.
Because of the revelation I had had early that afternoon I started think about rejection and closed my eyes and started praying in the spirit about it. I started to pray for confidence, confidence to not worry what others think and to be myself, His confidence in who He has called me to be. As I prayed this my heart became heavy and the emotions came, I prayed over and over for confidence and for God to take away the fear. As I asked and sought God a lady who was traveling with the speaker came and prayed for me. At the end of her prayer she placed her hands on the sides of my head and asked God to give me peace. Right there in that moment I felt God’s peace cover me and my heart was no longer heavy. A few moments later I went back to my seat, I sat and cried, this time tears of joy, still praying in the spirit, when my friend Randyl sat beside me and started praying for me. She as well prayed for peace and I began to think, Peace? Why peace? I was asking for confidence, not peace. In that moment God spoke to my heart and said I know what you are asking for, and I will give you confidence, but I need you to trust me that I am giving you that confidence, I know that you will start to wonder if you actually have my confidence, so I am giving you peace. I am giving you peace so you don’t worry about whether I am working or not.
The next day things were going great, until I almost had an emotional breakdown in class, when my friend wouldn’t even keep a conversation with me, something in our friendship had changed. During the class I was thinking, God, I just long for a friendship with them, we could such great friends, why can’t they see or want that too? In that moment God spoke to my heart and said “I will bring the relationships you need. Don’t fret or worry.” And it was then I was reminded of His peace again and was great, until that night.
Later that night I began to dwell on what had happened in class and I began to feel sorry for my self and think about the hurt and how what they did just hurt. I began to just bawl and think why? I felt so alone, but I knew I wasn’t, I knew I could talk to God about it, but the words just wouldn’t come. I didn’t want to talk to God about. So, I sent Randyl a text asking her to pray for me, two seconds later my phone started ringing and to my surprise, it was Randyl. She asked if she could pray for me over the phone right then, and I was like um okay sure! So she prayed, and ended the prayer with asking God to give me peace and to remind me of the peace He had blessed me with the night before. Once we finished talking I thought, I don’t want to feel this hurt and just cry about, so God reminded me of something I had heard that said when you’re hurt get your focus off of yourself and do something for someone else. Immediately my heart became heavy as I thought of one of my friends who needs healing. With that I grabbed my journal and began to circle them in prayer until God released the pressure from my heart. When I was done praying I felt a renewed since of peace and joy.
Today as I sat in chapel the lady who spoke began to speak about the peace God had given her and Randyl pointed out what she had said. Afterwards I began to think about it and I realized that God knew I would need reminders of his peace and He has be faithful in providing them.
So, I don’t have any practical teaching or specific message to share, just my story over these past few days. I hope my story and impact you in someway. Just place you trust and hope in God and talk to Him about what’s going on.
Just a Thought From the King’s Daughter.